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I got your Who Dat? right here...

Fri, 29 Jan 2010 01:57:33 CST

In case you've missed it, the NFL has recently been claiming that they own the rights to the phrase "Who Dat?" especially when joined by the colors black and gold or any fleur de lis, not just the one they actually own. Obviously, they're full of it. As a result, New Orleanians are angry, and rightfully so. I decided to let the NFL know about my copyright claim. And for the record, yes, I actually sent this.

To: Dan Masonson <dan.masonson@nfl.com>
Subject: A Request to Cease Infringement of Copyrighted Materials

Mr. Masonson —

It was recently brought to my attention that your organization, the National Football League (NFL), has been infringing upon a set of phrases to which I have recently laid copyright claim. The infringing phrases are as follows:

*This telecast is copyrighted by the NFL for the private use of our audience. Any other use of this telecast or of any pictures, descriptions, or accounts of the game without the NFL's consent, is prohibited.

In this set of phrases, the acronym "NFL" refers to "Neanderthal Frisbee League". The Neanderthal Frisbee League is a sporting league wherein players dress as cavemen and play Ultimate Frisbee. While the league has never been officially formed nor have any games (or, "matches", as we call them) actually been played, I've long dreamed that one day the matches would be aired on national television, thereby forcing me to create some sort of protection for the content and events that may transpire one day. Please take note that the issue is not with our shared acronyms — I happen to be a big fan of coincidence and happenstance (primarily because it's such a silly word).

I've decided that, while your organization has been using the two phrases since 1998, after 21 years of very successful "Madden NFL" videogames and how football has just so recently become more popular than ever in its history (thanks to baseball having the same teams in the Series every year. Am I right?), I've decided that now would be the perfect time to randomly claim I own something that you've been using for about 12 years.

I know this will come as a shock to you because your organization has held these phrases so near and dear to your (legal department's) heart, but with the recent success of your organization and the upcoming Super Bowl, I felt I should pounce on this immediately so that my unsubstantiated claim could possibly hold water prior to the Big Game.

Please keep in mind, that my claim of ownership of these two phrases also encompasses the red, white, and blue colors typically shown on the graphic after each broadcast bearing this message, as well as the shield shape that your organization uses to surround the letters "NFL".

I hope that you take these matters into consideration and must ask that you cease displaying this message after each broadcast and discontinue all merchandise bearing the two phrases. (Why you thought those t-shirts would sell is beyond me, but, to each their own.)

Thank you for your time, Mr. Masonson, and I hope that your Big Game goes smoothly.

Geaux Saints,
Geoffrey Gauchet

I'll be sure to let you know of any responses.

Who Dat, Indeed.

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 18:04:37 CST

I've uttered the words "Saints" and "Super Bowl" in the same sentence plenty of times in my life. "The Saints have never been to the Super Bowl" is a popular one. It's truly remarkable. This city has become electric. This city has become one. NOPD announced that there were no violent crimes before, during, or after the game last night. It's sad that that has to be news, but it truly is amazing. For half a day, we put aside everything and rallied around the same thing.

New Orleans is a one-of-a-kind city. We've got more than our fair share of problems, that's for certain, but we've got a charm that no other city in the world can begin to imagine. And no matter what adversity we've faced, there's always been one thing that has tied the fabric of this city together: our Saints. As far as I see it, there is only one type of Saints fan, and that's the diehard. Even during the bag-head days, the fans were still at the games, hoping for the best. Even when we called them the Ain'ts, we watched the games, hoping for the best. When it took 20 years for them to make the playoffs, the fans watched and hoped for the best.

And last night, we watched the game and hoped for the best, all while biting our nails and checking our pulses. And for the first time in history, our hoping and wishing finally paid off.

People exploded in joy when Hartly so casually put the ball through the uprights. People hugged complete strangers. Tears were shed. Fireworks for launched. People lost voices. A constant tone of horns honking resonated throughout the city as people honked with joy.

Last night was something that not only the team deserved, but something New Orleans deserved and needed. This win, this joy, has nothing to do with Hurricane Katrina. This win and this joy means so much to the city of New Orleans because after 43 years of waiting, we finally got our first Super Bowl appearance.

The city has been blanketed in Black and Gold (capitalized, out of reverence) for over a week. Professionals walk through the CBD with Brees and Colston jerseys with their sport-coats on over them. Schools and business have forgone uniforms and dress codes to allow people to wear anything Saints. "Who dat?" has replaced "hello" as the preferred greeting.

Before the game Sunday, the city had a friendly vibe about it. It felt like Mardi Gras. The city was crawling with New Orleanians and visitors alike, wandering the streets and enjoying the gorgeous weather and our fantastic city.

No, this win didn't signify the struggle this city went through after Hurricane Katrina. To say that winning this game helped heal the Katrina wounds would belittle exactly what Katrina did to this city. The Saints have done so much for this city — from player-run charities to boosting our economy, to boosting our emotions — but reversing such a horrible event is not one of them. This win may be a band-aid to make us ignore the fact that we're missing 15% of our population, or that there's 1000s of empty lots where homes once stood, or that our local politicians are some of the most corrupt in the country, or that our school system is lackluster (to say the least).

We love our New Orleans Saints. We love this town. Nothing can take away the excitement and happiness we feel today.

Not Vikings fans claiming the officials were on our side, despite our 100+ yards in penalties.

Not Vikings fans saying that we only won because of their failures, despite the fact that that's how ever game is won.

And not the national media focusing on Favre almost making it to the Super Bowl, despite the fact that we actually have made it to the Super Bowl for the first time in history.

And not even if we lost the Super Bowl in February. The fact that those boys finally brought us an NFC championship and are taking us to the Bowl is more than enough for the lot of us.

Of course, that Lombardi trophy sure would look great in Drew's hands in Bacchus.

Stop Whining and Show Your Receipt

Wed, 20 Jan 2010 11:49:06 CST

I read Consumerist every day. It's a great resource on consumer rights and product and business disasters. Sometimes I wonder if they take consumer rights a bit far.

No doubt you've gone a store like Home Depot, Wal-Mart, or Best Buy and made a purchase and were asked to see your receipt on the way out and the employee just glances at the receipt. No big deal, right? If you know the store does this and you keep the receipt out after your purchase, it takes all of 3 seconds and you're on your way. Now, there is currently no law in place that requires you to show your receipt when you're leaving these stores. Just because a blue shirt at Best Buy asks to see your receipt on exit doesn't mean you legally have to since you've legally purchased the items in your bag and everyone is innocent until proven guilty.

Lately though, Consumerist has been posting a lot of reader stories about their refusal to show their receipt in stores and how the employees then got all ornery about it. The gist of these stories is this: Reader walks into a store they've been to 100 times before and makes a purchase. Reader then goes to leave store and an employee at the the door asks to see Reader's receipt. Reader says "No, thank you." and keeps walking. Employee and/or security then approaches Reader and demands to see the receipt. Sometimes Reader starts being an ass and yelling about their civil rights and other times the employees get irked and start yelling at Reader.

Anyone who knows me can tell you that I am 100% a believer in the US Constitution. I believe wholeheartedly that our Forefathers wrote the document with purpose and that every word holds true today. Any disgrace of the Constitution is a disgrace to the Country and the American people should continue to fight for the Constitution.

However, not showing your receipt at Wal-Mart is not civil disobedience! It's a waste of the $6/hr employee's time. It's a waste of the line of people behind you's time. It's a waste of your time. I'm pretty sure Rosa Parks would have shown her receipt at Best Buy.

The argument that Consumerist commenters always throw out is "There is no law that says this!" and "It's against privacy laws!" Granted, there is no law, but this is store policy. Entering the store and making a transaction is your agreement that you will abide by store policy. If you do not like the store's policies, then you should not enter the store. There is no law that says men must wear a shirt at all times, however, it is Best Buy's policy that everyone must where a shirt and if you try to enter the store without a shirt, you will be asked to leave. Sure, there's no law saying you HAVE to wear a shirt, but it is their policy and if you don't like their policies, you don't have to shop there.

As for privacy, who ever said you had privacy in a public place? This comment on their most recent article got me:

It's called Privacy. Some people value it.

It's none of the dude's GD business what I bought or for how much, nor do I appreciate being treated as a criminal every time I walk out of the store.

Um, what about the cashier? Did you tell them to close their eyes while they swiped your item? Did you then ask them to place your items in a dark black, opaque bag? When you were walking around the store making your selections, did you hide the items so no one could see what you were holding? If you are making a purchase in a public store in person, what you are buying is not private no matter how much you want it to be. If you're worried about people seeing what you buy, go online and buy everything.

And the only way you get treated like a criminal every time you walk out of a store is if you act like a jackass every time they ask for your receipt. Look, I could understand if a random customer asked to see your receipt. It isn't any of their business. However, as an employee of the store where you just made a purchase and you are walking out of the store with items from that store, it is very much that employees business to check if you actually paid for the stuff you're leaving with. Now, some will argue that because the glance at the receipt is so half-assed usually that this isn't cutting down on theft. And maybe it isn't. But as a retail outlet, every store has the right to make sure they aren't losing out on money or merchandise. It is also their right to refuse service to anyone. As much as I don't like Best Buy, I plead to them that they make a registry of every idiot that whines about showing their receipt and refuses their entry into the store on the grounds that they have refused to abide by store policy.

This comment is gold too:

You and the other sheeple can surrender your collective rights all you want; I on the other hand will defend mine vigorously, and will not alter my shopping needs based on silly corporate policy.

If it's a store's policy to charge $15 for a CD, but it's another store's policy to charge $10 for a CD, you cannot walk into the first store and demand to only pay $10 for a CD. If you don't like their policy of CD costs, go to another store that has policies more in line with your beliefs.

Now, I will admit that the Best Buy employee in the article I linked to was way out of line by telling the customer to "Just shut up." No matter how ridiculous a customer is being, employees should never talk to them like that.

My overall feelings towards the Receipt Crusaders: you're all idiots. Your refusal to show your receipt is not going to make any difference in the world, except maybe making the percentage of self-righteous morons a bit higher. These Receipt Crusaders are the people that set their Facebook statuses to their bra color to raise breast cancer awareness, or have online "moments of silence" for the Haiti earthquake victims. These are the people that claim they're doing charity and fighting for human rights but never get off their asses and do anything about it. They've never written to Congress to fight for Gay Rights, or push for Net Neutrality. They've never donated money to the Susan G. Komen foundation or ladled soup for the homeless.

Talk is cheap, guys. So shut up and do something.