You know, every day I go through life holding doors for people, letting giant trucks merge in front of me, throwing my trash away, and dropping change into the tip cups of my local chicken, coffee, and booze slingers. Look, I'm not a saint (or even a Saint), but for cryin' out loud, is it that hard to not be a jerk?! So, for this list, I'd like to point out the Top 10 People That Were At Least Sorta Rude to Me This Year.
10. Guy Who Didn't Hold the Elevator for Me When I Was Clearly Walking Rather Quickly in the Direction of the Elevator
Hey, buddy, I see you looking right at me. You're standing there pretending to look forward, but I can see your eyes staring at me and behind them, I can hear your stupid brain reciting "Come on, doors! Close, you stupid doors!" over and over again. Look, I get it; I prefer riding solo in the elevator myself. It's 26 seconds of silence before hitting the ol' grind stone and you can check your teeth for food bits in the reflective doors. I'll admit that when I get in an elevator, I repeatedly jam the "Close Door" button in hopes of having my own private 6'x6' moving condo, but if some goober who overslept comes running at the doors, I risk my limbs and jam my hand in between the doors and help the kid out. Next time, when the roles are reversed, I'm looking right at you and yelling "NOPE!" as I press that "Close Door" button faster than Fred Savage's little brother in The Wizard mashed that NES's "B" button.
9. Woman Who Sped Up as Soon as I Turned on My turn Signal
You know, a recent study showed that only 30% of all drivers actually use their signals when changing lanes. Apparently, I'm in the minority here and I'm going out of my way to show you that I'd very much like to move my vehicle in that big space in front of your vehicle. Why, then, WHY, after driving a cool 55mph on the interstate did you suddenly decide to speed up to 70? You could've maintained your speed and let me over, but no, whatever it is you had to do was suddenly important.
8. Woman at Wendy's That Forgot My BBQ Sauce
It might seem petty, but it happens all too often. Generally speaking, I like my sauce to match my food. If I eat Popeye's chicken strips, I wanna use Popeye's BBQ sauce. If I eat Wendy's nuggets, I want Wendy's BBQ sauce. I'm a firm believer that each chain has specially developed their sauces around their food so that they accent it just perfectly. McDonald's BBQ sauce does not enhance Wendy's nuggets. It's like drinking Merlot with fish, or not drinking beer with boiled crawfish. Luckily, I do have the foresight to stash away extra containers of sauce for those times where they forget to give me some. But there are those days where they've forgotten my sauce so many times that I'm out of reserves and will have to move over to another company's which completely destroys the experience. And what about those times I have to eat in my car and I have no stash? This is a major concern of mine and I feel that it is contributing to the entire downfall of the Wendy's Corporation.
7. Guy Who Didn't Hold the Door Open for Me When I Had My Hands Full
I'm noticing a trend that guys aren't holding doors open for people. Oh, so I'm not some sexy woman or something so you don't care to be polite to me? Guess what, Guy — I've got feelings too and a lot of them are in my face, so when you just fling that door open and my hands are full, I most certainly feel when the door slams into me. Take 3 seconds to stand there so my lunch doesn't get all smashed, k?
6. Person Who Drank My Hawaiian Punch at Work
At my old job, I tended to keep drinks in the fridge for myself. It was cheaper than the vending machine. I'll admit it — I didn't label the drinks as mine. However, what makes you think that whatever is in the fridge is free for the taking? Look, pal, if it's communal food or beverage, it'll be out on the kitchen counter, or be labeled as such inside the fridge. That's how it works. Just because you "discovered it" in the fridge, doesn't mean you can Christopher Columbus it and eat or drink it yourself.
5. My Back Up Drive That Decided to Crash
I have a fair amount of data that I keep on my computers. From websites I've designed for myself and clients, to music, to photos, to papers for school. Since I'm not a total idiot, I have a back-up system to make sure my data is redundant. But you know what doesn't help if my computer crashes? IF MY BACK-UP DRIVE CRASHES. You're supposed to be my safety net. You're supposed to pat me on the back and say "Calm down, Geoff. I have your 'Weird Al' MP3s right here. And we'll get your photos back into iPhoto soon enough!" But no, back-up drive. You decided to go ahead and leave me, like all the other Western Digitals before you. You know, you're the whole reason I went running back to Seagate and never looked back.
4. Dish Network
First of all, I don't have satellite TV. I have cable, mostly because sometimes I get the hankering to watch TV when it's raining or windy. Because of this, I can't comment on Dish Network's service. I can, however, comment on them for hiring Frank Caliendo to do their commercials. Look, I'll give Frank that his John Madden and George Bush impressions are pretty good and sparked some laughs on Mad TV, but these commercials were horrible. The other impressions were terrible and the material just wasn't funny. And as a result of these commercials, Frank continues to get work doing annoying crap all the time. Thanks, Dish Network.
3. Cox Cable
Hey, just because I can watch TV in the rain and wind doesn't excuse them from having crappy service as a whole. In 2009, I have lived in two different houses on opposite ends of the same "city." Both locations' Internet was/is spotty. When it works, it works fast, but when it isn't working, it just drops out altogether. No amount of modem reboots will revive it. We've replaced modems. We've replaced wiring. We've replaced connectors. We've bypassed splitters and amplifiers. The only constant has been the service provider. Cox, if I was just watching videos of skateboarding dogs all day, this wouldn't be an issue. But when I'm trying to make money developing websites or, you know, take an online test for school, it's a bit more than inconvenient. Oh, and don't even get me started on those terrible Digital Max commercials. You know those little tiny space alien dudes you have now? Good mascots. Cute, goofy, and they don't talk. Stick with those guys.
2. Whomever Swiped My Notepad
I have a fair amount of meetings that I attend every day at work. I also have a spotty short-term memory. As a result, I carry a legal pad with me to meetings to write down notes. I managed to use the same notepad the first 6 months at my new job, which means that it contained 6 months of meeting notes and web design rough-drafts. And one day, it was gone. Now, I'm not so daft as to think that I didn't accidentally leave it in a conference room one day. As I've mentioned, my short-term memory isn't the best. However, my name was on it and it contained nothing but web design-related information. I am one of two web developers in the organization — finding the owner wouldn't have been overly difficult. So, thanks for effectively deleting 6 months of my memory.
1. The Jackass That Created a Thin Scratch Down the Entire Length of the Driver's Side of My Car
Look, I'm not a big car buff or anything. I have no idea what a carburetor does and I couldn't tell you the approximate year of a classic car. I don't wash my car every weekend and there's fast food bags in it and dents all over it and my front bumper is held on with wire ties. I also think I've needed an oil change for the last 2 months. All of this, however, is NOT an open invitation to just make a loooooong scratch down the side of my car. I take care to never park too close to other cars (as in, on or over the line) and I rarely have ever parked next to the cart return corrals. So why on Earth did you feel the need to scratch my car? Was it an accident? Did your grocery basket get caught in the wind and grind against my car? Did you foolishly let your 4-year-old hold the car keys while you loaded your car? Did you back out of the space with the passenger door open? That's fine. I get it. Accidents happen. But leave a note! Even if it left me no personal information, just a "Hey, look, this happened. Sorry about that." would've made me feel at least a little bit better. But now all I can assume is that it was malicious. What did I do to you, jackass that created a thin scratch down the entire length of the driver's side of my car? You're probably that guy in the elevator, aren't you?
10. Guy Who Didn't Hold the Elevator for Me When I Was Clearly Walking Rather Quickly in the Direction of the Elevator
Hey, buddy, I see you looking right at me. You're standing there pretending to look forward, but I can see your eyes staring at me and behind them, I can hear your stupid brain reciting "Come on, doors! Close, you stupid doors!" over and over again. Look, I get it; I prefer riding solo in the elevator myself. It's 26 seconds of silence before hitting the ol' grind stone and you can check your teeth for food bits in the reflective doors. I'll admit that when I get in an elevator, I repeatedly jam the "Close Door" button in hopes of having my own private 6'x6' moving condo, but if some goober who overslept comes running at the doors, I risk my limbs and jam my hand in between the doors and help the kid out. Next time, when the roles are reversed, I'm looking right at you and yelling "NOPE!" as I press that "Close Door" button faster than Fred Savage's little brother in The Wizard mashed that NES's "B" button.
9. Woman Who Sped Up as Soon as I Turned on My turn Signal
You know, a recent study showed that only 30% of all drivers actually use their signals when changing lanes. Apparently, I'm in the minority here and I'm going out of my way to show you that I'd very much like to move my vehicle in that big space in front of your vehicle. Why, then, WHY, after driving a cool 55mph on the interstate did you suddenly decide to speed up to 70? You could've maintained your speed and let me over, but no, whatever it is you had to do was suddenly important.
8. Woman at Wendy's That Forgot My BBQ Sauce
It might seem petty, but it happens all too often. Generally speaking, I like my sauce to match my food. If I eat Popeye's chicken strips, I wanna use Popeye's BBQ sauce. If I eat Wendy's nuggets, I want Wendy's BBQ sauce. I'm a firm believer that each chain has specially developed their sauces around their food so that they accent it just perfectly. McDonald's BBQ sauce does not enhance Wendy's nuggets. It's like drinking Merlot with fish, or not drinking beer with boiled crawfish. Luckily, I do have the foresight to stash away extra containers of sauce for those times where they forget to give me some. But there are those days where they've forgotten my sauce so many times that I'm out of reserves and will have to move over to another company's which completely destroys the experience. And what about those times I have to eat in my car and I have no stash? This is a major concern of mine and I feel that it is contributing to the entire downfall of the Wendy's Corporation.
7. Guy Who Didn't Hold the Door Open for Me When I Had My Hands Full
I'm noticing a trend that guys aren't holding doors open for people. Oh, so I'm not some sexy woman or something so you don't care to be polite to me? Guess what, Guy — I've got feelings too and a lot of them are in my face, so when you just fling that door open and my hands are full, I most certainly feel when the door slams into me. Take 3 seconds to stand there so my lunch doesn't get all smashed, k?
6. Person Who Drank My Hawaiian Punch at Work
At my old job, I tended to keep drinks in the fridge for myself. It was cheaper than the vending machine. I'll admit it — I didn't label the drinks as mine. However, what makes you think that whatever is in the fridge is free for the taking? Look, pal, if it's communal food or beverage, it'll be out on the kitchen counter, or be labeled as such inside the fridge. That's how it works. Just because you "discovered it" in the fridge, doesn't mean you can Christopher Columbus it and eat or drink it yourself.
5. My Back Up Drive That Decided to Crash
I have a fair amount of data that I keep on my computers. From websites I've designed for myself and clients, to music, to photos, to papers for school. Since I'm not a total idiot, I have a back-up system to make sure my data is redundant. But you know what doesn't help if my computer crashes? IF MY BACK-UP DRIVE CRASHES. You're supposed to be my safety net. You're supposed to pat me on the back and say "Calm down, Geoff. I have your 'Weird Al' MP3s right here. And we'll get your photos back into iPhoto soon enough!" But no, back-up drive. You decided to go ahead and leave me, like all the other Western Digitals before you. You know, you're the whole reason I went running back to Seagate and never looked back.
4. Dish Network
First of all, I don't have satellite TV. I have cable, mostly because sometimes I get the hankering to watch TV when it's raining or windy. Because of this, I can't comment on Dish Network's service. I can, however, comment on them for hiring Frank Caliendo to do their commercials. Look, I'll give Frank that his John Madden and George Bush impressions are pretty good and sparked some laughs on Mad TV, but these commercials were horrible. The other impressions were terrible and the material just wasn't funny. And as a result of these commercials, Frank continues to get work doing annoying crap all the time. Thanks, Dish Network.
3. Cox Cable
Hey, just because I can watch TV in the rain and wind doesn't excuse them from having crappy service as a whole. In 2009, I have lived in two different houses on opposite ends of the same "city." Both locations' Internet was/is spotty. When it works, it works fast, but when it isn't working, it just drops out altogether. No amount of modem reboots will revive it. We've replaced modems. We've replaced wiring. We've replaced connectors. We've bypassed splitters and amplifiers. The only constant has been the service provider. Cox, if I was just watching videos of skateboarding dogs all day, this wouldn't be an issue. But when I'm trying to make money developing websites or, you know, take an online test for school, it's a bit more than inconvenient. Oh, and don't even get me started on those terrible Digital Max commercials. You know those little tiny space alien dudes you have now? Good mascots. Cute, goofy, and they don't talk. Stick with those guys.
2. Whomever Swiped My Notepad
I have a fair amount of meetings that I attend every day at work. I also have a spotty short-term memory. As a result, I carry a legal pad with me to meetings to write down notes. I managed to use the same notepad the first 6 months at my new job, which means that it contained 6 months of meeting notes and web design rough-drafts. And one day, it was gone. Now, I'm not so daft as to think that I didn't accidentally leave it in a conference room one day. As I've mentioned, my short-term memory isn't the best. However, my name was on it and it contained nothing but web design-related information. I am one of two web developers in the organization — finding the owner wouldn't have been overly difficult. So, thanks for effectively deleting 6 months of my memory.
1. The Jackass That Created a Thin Scratch Down the Entire Length of the Driver's Side of My Car
Look, I'm not a big car buff or anything. I have no idea what a carburetor does and I couldn't tell you the approximate year of a classic car. I don't wash my car every weekend and there's fast food bags in it and dents all over it and my front bumper is held on with wire ties. I also think I've needed an oil change for the last 2 months. All of this, however, is NOT an open invitation to just make a loooooong scratch down the side of my car. I take care to never park too close to other cars (as in, on or over the line) and I rarely have ever parked next to the cart return corrals. So why on Earth did you feel the need to scratch my car? Was it an accident? Did your grocery basket get caught in the wind and grind against my car? Did you foolishly let your 4-year-old hold the car keys while you loaded your car? Did you back out of the space with the passenger door open? That's fine. I get it. Accidents happen. But leave a note! Even if it left me no personal information, just a "Hey, look, this happened. Sorry about that." would've made me feel at least a little bit better. But now all I can assume is that it was malicious. What did I do to you, jackass that created a thin scratch down the entire length of the driver's side of my car? You're probably that guy in the elevator, aren't you?
You must be going rude places, because I see tons of people holding doors for people everywhere, but maybe I'm wrong.
More on my favorites list though, customers who throw money at me or drop change onto the counter even thought my hand is right there, less than a half inch where they dropped the money.
And my favorite this year, the teacher who decided it was to hard to write a "yes you can take my class" or a "no, get a life" email and just decided to ignore me.